oh yeah...i can't believe i almost forgot this. I was overcome with thinking and forgot the announcement i wanted to make.

Thursday, October 31 8:00 PM Apt. 13D
"Costume get-together toward the end of October"

You are all invited. The idea is to come in a costume. Also, it would be great if you also brought some kind of snack food, or a soda...and if you feel ambitious brownies are apprecited also!! Anyway...come on down we'll have a good time =D

are you you?
am I me?

The other day I happened to be reading through an old journal entry, and I found the following.

"If I do not challenge something, and take it as truth, I am living somebody else’s life. I must make all I think and believe mine."

Do I really believe everything I 'believe?' My parents were missionaries. My Dad knows the Bible better than anyone i know; he can quote and reference a passage applicable to just about any situation straight off the top of his head. Both of my parents are extremely strong-willed (much like myself), perhaps they brain washed me from the days of my youth till i left the house. In the last 5 or 6 years I have really been challenged in my own beliefs and i even doubted my own beliefs - the 'impardonable' sin. I put myself through a phylosophy class at a secular school. I went to Deep Ellum just about every weekend for a year and was challenged by random strangers who wanted to prove my "christianity" wrong. I spent endless hours in the quiet of my room (whatever city, whatever year, whatever continent I may have found myself on) questioning the very existence of God. I know what my parents told me. I know all the "right" answers. I was that kid every sunday school teacher of every church we visited while on furlow loved. I could answer all the questions. In recent years, however, things have changed. I have become that "rebellious" missionary kid that comes to church and instead of answering questions asks questions the sunday school teacher cannot answer. I question everything i believe. I know deep inside there still are many beliefs of mine that I have not questioned...but i'm getting there. I want my faith to be mine. I am not a Baptist. I am not a Presbyterian. I am burns a sorry attempt at being a follower of Christ, but at least i'm trying. I do not believe (or try not to) anything somebody tells me is true. I would rather be the scum of the earth and know that I believe what i believe because I believe it, than to be the very Pope in Rome head of the entire catholic church and believe something because the last seventeen gazillion catholics did. These are at least my aspirations. I know I am human. I tell myself I can be different. I tell myself that I really can think and believe completely on my own without any outside influence, but I'm just fantasizing. We are to some extent products of our environments. What we choose to do with the influences on our lives, however, is entirely up to us. What do you believe? Are we living someone else's life?

"Question everything." - Roger Gonzalez

did i miss my bus?

it has been a day...that's for sure. i thank God that He put some great people behind me in prayer...lost a great friend (no not to death) for good reasons. i respect this friend for making such a choice...what comes to mind are the lyrics from the Get Up Kids

“Your good intentions count for little anymore” – Get Up Kids

thankfully this person didn't just have good intentions...but better had a God-focused motive...and that is awesome!! anyway...that was part of my day today...and yesterday too...oddly enough...i haven't really been down about this...i guess that's totally God...and as you read the rest of this entry...i'm sure u'll realize i'm not on the down side of life.

ok...so tonight...yeah...being the ever so diligent student i am...and being somewhat preoccupied lately with thinking and praying...i still had all of my vibes homework to do...i seriously planned on being up all night...i really did...because i was under the impression i had like 36 problems to do...and i sat down tonight...and i thought to myself "word up yo!" yeah...i only had 9 problems...so yeah that's totally cool...i'm done...i'm gonna get some sleep after all!!

"teach me to be an engineer. I don't care if it takes all day." - some clerk on a Dilbert strip

i would like to thank amy bonner for allowing me to discover which simpsons character i am most like...




if you wanna know such useful information also go to here

yes...ralph rocks...my favorite quote from him is "i can twirl"...ok...so there's a close second too: "sleep, now that's where i'm a viking!"

I would also like to let all of you know that i am secretly taking over the world one finger nail clipper at a time!! no seriously...go check your clippers...odds are they have my last name on them...yeah buddy...my family is just like the mafia...we run this country by use of grooming supplies ;-]

alright dudes...i suppose i will cut out now...but party on

people
ok...so i like to "walk the loop" right, that is by myself...just me, my thoughts, and God...so it's cool! anyway...why is it that people feel compelled to stop me and ask "where are you hiding the girl?" i don't think i'm the only one who likes to "walk the loop" by myself...but anyway...that's just something that really gets to me

it has been an interesting day...my plans for the day were to do my Machine Design homework...but yeah...that was not God's plan for me. my sunday did start out well...rather amusingly actually. shortly after i woke up my roommate walked into the room very annoyed, at least in appearance. turns out...he completely forgot about daylight savings time...hehe...it was funny...he laughed too =D Church was good...enjoyed it much. however, at some point in the sermon pastor randy said "Jesus prunes us.." and all that came to mind at that point were flashbacks from chapel like baskets and fill in the blank powerpoint slides...i eventually steered my attention back to the sermon...but ah...have i been scared for life?...and then came SAGA...turns out today's lunch was not so bad.

anyway...soon there after i found myself in front of my computer IMing back and forth with Dave Wolff...the cause of it turned out to be my BLOG..and what i had written...so we decided to go out to Joe Muggs and chat in person (yes no matter what you may say...in person is better than online). it was most excellent...as i now have a new-found friendship in an old acquaintance...yes Dave is the man! like yeah...God totally provided there...i didn't know it but i needed someone to talk to...and well...it all worked out. anyway...go ahead and party on like you usually do on a sunday night...and bethany don't forget to go to bed this time.

"I know that you can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted." -Job

have a splendid week.

human emotions
so what is it about 'feelings' that makes us so uncomfortable? why do we go to all extents to keep our feelings inside as long as we can? i'm pretty sure most people do this...we keep our emotions wrapped inside all those outer layers...the catch is that emotions grow...the longer we keep something inside the bigger it gets...and eventually it will come out. why do we subject ourselves to this self-imposed torture? i mean really...when those 'feelings' come out they come out in huge quantities...and then we stop and think "that was all inside of me?" this thought totally baffles me. yet i know for sure i will do it again and again.

"Here's a thought, if you're willing to listen. I only tell the
truth of the feelings I'm given. Can you hear me now? Listen.
Whispers in the rain. Listen. Don't push love away, you know
you do. It's all we have. It's a chore holding onto a vision.
Don't leave her high and dry. She's the one you'll be missing."
-Juliana Theory

i think people are retarted...but especially guys...i mean seriously...what is wrong with guys...do we really think that we have no emotions? why is it a sign of weakness in men to show 'feelings'? these questions will forever haunt me...and i'd like to say that i am not guilty of trying to be "manly"...but lets face it...i'm just as retarted as the rest of 'em.

ok...that'll do for now, party on dudes =D

yeah...so i'm like not a very technologically capable person or sometin like that. see...i'm trying to get this site up and running right...and back some time ago i learned some html...and it kinda came back to me...and i was able to make another site on which i put my pictures on some free hosting place...so i thought that was pretty cool. anyway, now this site i have is definitely running...there's only one problem...i have no idea what the password is to get in and edit my own site...wut up wit dat yo? see what happened was that they told me they would e-mail me the password...but yeah...still haven't received an e-mail with it...sometin tells me that it's just not coming...grrr...oh well. i am trying to make this a fun site...with nifty little link thingys here to your left...but it's definitely in need of much work. ok well...i continue to try to figure stuff out now...namely...how on earth do ppl put comments up? i cannot figure that out of the life of me...

i think i finally understand the point of having one of these BLOG thingys...yeah so like...i always have a ton to tell the world...and I can't possibly fit it all in my MSN screen name or in my AIM away messages...but at last...a way to communicate my thoughts. Of course this would imply that someone actually would want to read what i write...which is highly unlikely...i just feel "cool" doing this...and by cool i mean artfully nerdy. ok...so i don't feel terribly motivated to proceed in letting my fingers type...as they've been doing that all day...so perhaps tommorow i shall do this again...peace